So I have spent the whole summer in pastels, but I found myself in New Look after a sling back disaster and fell in love with this outfits. In fact, I’m wearing it right now.
I feel like I must just get through Autumn now.
I wrote a post last year about trying to enjoy the journey and the anticipation. However, it seems more and more that I’m living in anticipation of something that may be happening next week, next year or at some indeterminable point in the future. Just waiting for that to happen, surviving until I get to that next step.
And so many things are passing me by.
So many happy times, so many milestones and moments going unnoticed. And it crushes me every night, like a huge weight on my chest. One day, I will be old. One day, the things I have today will be a memory and nothing more, and what will I remember?
Will I remember the things that consume so much of my time and brain power? The administrative tasks that keep me awake, the reviews that ‘could be better’ or the daily inconvenience of having to find a parking space on the school run? I hope not.
I want to remember the best things from every day, the things I look forward to. The things that aren’t big occasions, but seemingly insignificant moments of joy and gratitude. And if I want to remember them I need to feel them, I need to allow myself to feel them.
Instead of rushing Tabitha along when she wants to walk along a wall I need to hold her hand and take a photograph.
I have too many plans. I have too many targets. I only have one now.
And I’m going to try and pay more attention to it.
On Father’s Day 5 years ago we sat down with Craigs whole family and announced that we were expecting Oli.
Since then a lot has changed, but one thing has always been the same – Craig has been the most wonderful & caring Father to our 2 children.
Happy Father’s Day to Craig and all the other wonderful Fathers out there today, have a marvellous day.
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about my goals and hopes for the future.
What’s the MOST exciting feeling you can summon up from memory?
Without a doubt, (don’t worry, this post is not about babies) every time I hear the happy news that someone has fallen pregnant with their first child I am taken back to the time in my life when it was my turn. The incredible emotions I felt at the time. I was more on a roller coaster of terror & love than on a permanent high, but looking back of course all I can visualise are the magical moments of ultrasound scans, talking to Craig about how we would have a little baby that squeezed our fingers in it’s whole hand and buying adorable clothes.
And now that I have 2 growing, learning little humans of course I feel love & excitement incredibly often, but the anticipation is more than I will ever forget.
Recently I came across this post on Zen Habits – Achieving Without Goals, and it really inspired me to challenge the way I see my goals. I am evidently not ‘Zen’ enough to give up on goals entirely, and I don’t know that it would be an attitude that many people who run their own businesses could truly adopt. However, an important statement stood out to me:
Goals (wanting to improve) are not consistent with contentment (being happy with where you are).
So I’m working on a new perspective – I’m celebrating on the way. I’m channeling all the raw excitement I feel into my attitude, and putting less pressure on myself to reach the end goal quickly. Recently, I’ve been setting myself targets and really giving myself a lot of time to tick them off. I’m enjoying the process of my work, and of my life.
When I look at my children, I’m reflecting on the anticipation I felt when I knew they were soon to be part of my life, and it’s multiplying all the good stuff that’s happening right now. It’s an ace juxtaposition.
And in terms of my business, I’m looking forward to what I will achieve next year, but I’m also reflecting on how far I’ve come and how happy it makes me already.
Whatever you do, embrace the anticipation. Aside from love, it is as powerful a feeling as you will ever feel.
I am still very much in love with my OMG Alphabet bag, but as I’ve dragged it around mercilessly for the last 18 months-ish, it is now rather worse for wear. I am definitely lusting after this hot pink heart bag, as apparently I have become obsessed with pink recently.
This book has been recommended numerous times, most notably in the Blogcademy recommended reading list, I really don’t think I can resist for much longer (note: must make time for some reading of books rather than twitter etc.)
Photo from boohoo.com
I spend some of my christmas money in the Boohoo sale and was pleasantly surprised by the quality, I got 2 cardigans and I think maybe 1 day has passed in the last month where I haven’t worn one of them. Maybe a half day. Anyway, who knows? I think I get enough wear out of knitwear to justify buying another 50 jumpers at least.
Isn’t this print just the most wonderful thing you’ve ever seen? Again, this has been on my wishlist for a while, but having just moved making new holes in the wall hadn’t made it onto our agenda yet – until today, when we put up new shelves. We may as well make some more holes to hang this gorgeous creature, oh go on then.
And some other generous compliments…
Anyway the reason that I have been soul-searching in this manner (or just going through my spam filter, if you will) is that I was updating my about page. It’s still a work in progress but it looks a little more fun. What do you think?
So back when I was (eventually) a beaming pregnant lady bursting with anticipation & excitement, I kind of had an idea in my head about what Motherhood would be like, and what kind of Mother I would be. It was something like this:
- Wake up every morning, as fresh as a daisy, fuelled by the adrenaline rush of pure, maternal love.
- Nourish myself and my precious child with organic fruit and wholesome home cooked meals.
- Read almost constantly to my little sponge of knowledge, often in Latin.
- Go on nature walks, frequently.
- Nap contentedly with babe in arms.
- Play with my bundle of joy, and their beautiful wooden educational toys & puzzles.
- Read bedtime stories & sing lullabies until I can tear myself from the cot side at bedtime.
- Spend the evening musing with my husband about our precious creation.
- Collect “Natural Mother of the Year” award for 2009.
And you know, in the real world, this is happening:
- Awake in a panic at 5am, when the children announce at the foot of the bed that they have given the goldfish breakfast.
- Rescue goldfish.
- Clean the weetabix off of everything I own.
- Go to the park, be scared by “friendly” dad who has come along with his children. And cider.
- Lament the day that kind relatives started buying toys that play constant and incredibly annoying music.
- Time out.
- Put on television, tweet about how much I hate Norman Price.
- Ignore housework in favour of much deserved cold cup of tea.
- Count down until bedtime.
- Have a glass of wine. Sit next to husband in shocked silence.
But seriously, it is SO MUCH MORE FUN THAT WAY.
And at least I won’t ever be one of those people that hoots in disbelief when you say you don’t think you ever want to have children of your own. (Except after the wine.)